My Journey Part One

We all tend to judge things by successes and failures. But true success is measured by our failures. Let me explain. If someone never fails then that means they never tried. Don't be afraid to fail. A successful person isn't someone who has never failed. They are someone who NEVER GIVES UP!

You might be wondering WHAT "success" I want to talk to you about today. After all, I do run a successful kid care and preschool and have for MANY years. I've been married to the same wonderful man for over thirty-three years. I have given birth to four children and raised two of them to adulthood and the other two are about to embark on that journey, one in a year and the other in three. Those are all things a lot of people would count as successes. I know I do. But those aren't the ones I am here to talk about today.

Today is for a different type of success. One that is just as challenging and rewarding as the ones mentioned above. But this one is a personal journey that is just about ME. This is about my fitness success. Those who know me understand that when I say FITNESS I am talking about more than exercise. Fitness is exercise, diet, our mental fitness and our spiritual fitness. Sometimes those get off balanced and we have one on track but the others fall to the way side. Balance is important when it comes to fitness.

In order to tell you about where I am today on my fitness journey, I need to give you some background on where I started. I was born in the mid 60's. I was not a chubby child, in fact in some of my pictures I look kind of like a stick before hitting puberty. I was an extremely active little girl. I was always outside running around, riding my bike, climbing trees or playing on the swing set. In the summer I was ALWAYS at the public pool. My grandparents spent a lot of time on the golf course so I was doing that, too. I've looked back to try to figure out when that changed and why. It may have been because school got more involved and harder. It could be because I spent more time watching TV. It may have been because puberty changed my attitude and I just got lazy. We were required to do sports and PE in school instead of recess and that may have made it seem less "fun". I'm not sure what the commercials were back then but they COULD have been the beginning on the body image issues that plague us still today.

I grew up in a time that the new aerobic fade came around. Fitness Centers for women were popping up in the late 70's in our small city.. I don't know if women always worried about their weight or if it didn't matter as much because they worked hard around their homes to take care of their families and didn't have time to think about it. But I remember that my grandmother was unhappy with her size 14 clothes and struggled to lose any weight until she got in her mid 70's and 80's and the weight just wouldn't stay on her body. I was not a thin girl after I reached puberty but I wasn't really big, either. But I FELT like I was. It bothered me that I wasn't as small as I "thought" I should be. I can tell you right now that those thoughts were very harmful to my self worth and it has caused me many challenges over my lifetime. I don't remember if I had other people say things to me about weight or if I saw things in movies, TV shows or read it in books. But somewhere, somehow, I got the idea that I was FAT. But when I look back at pictures of myself during those years...I was NOT fat. I was NOT overweight. I was NOT unattractive. I have read my old diaries from my teen years and I was dieting and trying to lose weight ALL.THE.TIME. The more weight I put on the more diets I tried. I lived a yo-yo life with my weight.

My journey just got harder and more complicated as I got out of high school and got married followed by children. Check back for Part Two of the story.

Helping Transform Lives One Day At A Time

When God Closes A Door

What do you do when God closes a door? What feelings run through your mind? While I have had many times where God has closed a door, there was one time that stands out more than all the others. I believe that we should learn from our life experiences and grow from them. So, as I celebrate my 50th birthday I want to look back over a period of time where I struggled and grew the most in my faith. I want to share that with you so that you can know you are not alone. The struggles are real. We all have them. 

In 2009, we changed churches. We had been members of a different church for over 22 years so it was not an easy thing to do. But we felt God was closing that door and opening a new one. We joined First Baptist Church of Arlington. We had been working with a ministry that is connected to that church for the past decade and a half, Mission Arlington. It seemed right. They are very missions oriented and had great programs for the kids. It has been a huge blessing to our family. The younger two kids have grown up in this church and are now in high school and the leadership in the preschool, children and youth has been the same since we joined. The pastor has been here for over a decade, too. And he just leads the flock with such love and compassion. 

In 2010, we had some HUGE ups and downs. We struggled with our teen through some difficult years, this one bringing it all to a head. We struggled financially and lost some land in Colorado and a vehicle. In January we began mission training. At the end of the 5 months of Perspectives training we both felt called to missions in a different country full time. In the fall we started a more in-depth mission training, Panorama, to prepare us for the full time commitment to missions abroad. The two kids had their own training as we did ours. We felt they needed to be prepared, too, so they came up with teachers to work with them. It was great. We also got involved with ministry that does low cost water well drilling. John felt that this what the type of work God wanted him to do. 

In 2011, we started part two of the Panorama missions training. We touched on some deep subjects. We also went through some testing through the counseling center that everyone who goes into the field through our church must go through. We did a week long training with Water for All, the water drilling ministry. That was really great. We were asked to go to Kenya with another group that summer for 3 weeks. John was to do water well drilling there, teaching them how to do it. Our two younger children went with us. They were a part of all our missions training. They even sat in the back of the room of our Perspectives classes. The trip to Kenya was a once in a lifetime experience for all of us. But my son really didn't want to do that full time and he was quick to tell us. He didn't want to move away from our home and our church. Our daughter didn't voice it, but she probably felt the same way. 

After ALL of that training and experience, the doors SLAMMED shut. We were told they would NOT send us. Here is one of the hard parts for me. It was because of me. In the testing it revealed that I need people too much. I made friends while I was in Kenya. I feel like I would have done OK because my needing people would have just drawn me to these people in whatever place we lived. But it didn't matter about our trip to Kenya. It didn't matter that the kids did well. It didn't matter that John really enjoyed his time there teaching them how to drill. 

I was hurt, mad, and upset. I even became very bitter. Other people were being sent. We planned on making this a lifetime commitment. A couple who had done the water drilling training at the same time were sent to another country in Africa. They have been there all this time. They now have foster adopted 2 children and are expecting one of their own. I was so confused as to why God closed the doors. Every time they would announce in church that they needed people willing to go, my mind would scream inside "WE WERE WILLING AND YOU SAID NO!!!" It hurt for so long. I did my best to pretend it didn't matter that the doors just shut. But it did matter. 

I honestly can't remember when those feelings stopped. But they did. I no longer feel angry or bitter. And I look back at the training and the mission trip that the 4 of us did together and I am so thankful. We have life lessons and experiences that we would not have had otherwise. We have friendships from those trainings and from the trip. I would NOT trade that for anything. 

The following year God took our apartment ministry church through Mission Arlington and moved it into an actual church building. Our congregation tripled in number. We began meeting not only on Sunday mornings at 11 but also on Wednesday nights. John now is a part of a worship team on both of those days. He also teaches the older kids in Bible study both days. He has done ESL classes, too. Our church there is all Hispanic. Most are from Mexico. So in a way, God is using us to reach people from a different country, just not in that actual country. John hasn't been able to do any more water drilling but you never know what God has planned for the lessons He teaches you. 

In the years that have followed the relationship with my oldest daughter has grown by leaps and bounds. It was in a very precarious place at the time. That is something I would not have had IF we had moved overseas like we thought we were supposed to. We would not have been here for our granddaughter's birth and first year of life. Our other son would not have gotten to know his sweet girlfriend and fallen in love with her. Our youngest would not have found her love for dance and been a part of this wonderful dance school for the past 3 years. I would not have reopened my preschool and had the wonderful children and families that have been a part of it in our lives. I would not have found a love for fitness and become a Beachbody coach. 

I know that God has MORE for me. The years to come are exciting to think about. God KNOWS His plans for me, even when I don't. HE KNOWS when to close the doors even when I am confused and hurt because of it. HE has great plans for my life. I just need to allow HIM to direct my path and change it when needed. As one of my friends says "Jesus is big y'all!" He really is. He has walked me through this journey for the past 50 years and He isn't going to leave me now. 

I tell you all this not to have you feel sorry for me or to judge me for my anger. But to be real with you. Feeling anger and disappointment is a very human thing. God understands. You just have to take it to Him and He will help you deal with it. I cried out to him many, many times. But I hung on to the hurt for longer than I should have. I was angry at people for deciding my future. When really, God decided it. He KNEW what He had for me that was so rich and worthwhile. So many blessings He bestowed upon me since that time. I am so thankful!!! 

When God closes a door, stop and think. Remember He has great plans for you. Then ask Him to show you what they are. He may not show you everything right away. But He will give you glimpses. You can chose to see good in things or the bad in them. Life is much better if you can find the good in each situation. Hang on to those good things. And let God handle the bad ones. Take it all to Him.

Until next time...blessings to you. 

I've Come To Realize

I've come to realize that my body is...the temple of the Lord. I have not treated it like such in the past couple of years. I lost 26 pounds over two years ago but gained it back over the last two years from not eating what I should have. I had been eating healthy and starting to exercise. But that has fallen by the wayside. I need to get back on track and take care of my body. We are working on becoming cross cultural workers long term and we feel our bodies and health should be in better shape.

I've come to realize that my job is...being the best wife and mom I can be. I don’t have a J O B right now outside the home or inside the home anymore. I am teaching my children daily as we homeschool. I am doing my best to instill in them God’s Word and other things they need to become responsible adults who love the Lord. I am trying to be a huge support system for my darling husband who works so hard each and every day to provide for our family. I fail so often in these things but I keep trying each day to make a better effort.

I've come to realize that I need nothing more in life than...to follow the Jesus way. He is my guide. He shows me the way and promises to carry me through when I am unable to walk through them on my own.
 
I've come to realize that I've lost my mind...when I try to live each day without putting God first and when I try to handle things on my own and in my own way. I know that I can do nothing without Christ who gives me strength for each hurdle I must jump.

I've come to realize I hate...the feeling of depression that washes over me when I let Satan distract me from God’s purpose in my life with the things I can’t control. I seem to always wonder how I am going to get through them. When I have no answer I tend to get depressed because I can’t fix it. But it isn’t my job to fix it. I am to turn it over to Him and leave it there. I am working on that daily.
 
I've come to realize that money is...not supposed to be the number one priority in our lives. If our main goal in life is to make more money to buy more things then we have missed the blessings God intends for us. The world today is so about getting more stuff. Adults have as many “toys” as kids do these days. God has changed the way I think about stuff. We are trying to clear things out and stop accumulating things.
 
I've come to realize that certain people...just don’t get it. They don’t understand how much God loves them. They spend their lives living the lie Satan fills their hearts with. Sad day.

I've come to realize that I'll always remember...going to Burger Chef with my grandpa on Fridays when I was a child, helping my grandmother make sweet pickles, eating peanut brittle with my cousins, riding around the small city of Alice with my sweetheart in his jeep, spending summers at my aunt’s house in her pool, riding around on a golf cart every day with my grandparents, spending hours in the tree in my front yard pretending I was anywhere else in the world my mind could imagine, picking oranges and grapefruit off the trees in our yard, playing Charlies Angels in 5th grade (I was Jill, of course), the day I met John, the day we got married (27 years ago), the day we got married again (2 years ago for our 25th anniversary), the day Sami was born and I held her for the first time, my first miscarriage and the second and the third, the day I found out I was expecting Nick, the day JC wrapped his arms around me for the first time when he saw that I was sad and made my heart melt, the day Jenni was born and Sami was there to share it with us, the day each of my children accepted Jesus as their Lord and were baptized, the lessons that God has taught me through the good times and bad, the wonderful friends I have met along the path of this life, the wonderful friendship I had with my precious grandmother (I will see you again someday!), the daycare families that were a part of MTCKC for those five years, the tiny church I grew up in (West Main Baptist Church Alice, TX), the church we found when we moved to the Metroplex (MRBC, Arlington, TX), the church we are now a member of that has made us just as welcome and we have so many wonderful new brothers and sisters in Christ to add to our other two families of faith (FBC Arlington), the good times and bad that John and I have been through and grown stronger because of, and that Jesus Christ died for me and because of that I live for Him.

I've come to realize that my siblings...are still a part of me even though I didn't grow up with any of them. I missed having them in my life but pray for them daily.
 
I've come to realize my (adopted) mom...was one of the strongest Christian women I will ever meet. She wasn't perfect but she loved the Lord with all of her heart. She passed that along to me and I pray I am doing the same with my children. I love you, Grandmama!

I've come to realize my (adopted) dad...was a strong silent man. He loved greatly even though he didn't do a lot of talking about it. He was brilliant when it came to fixing cars and playing golf. I love you, Grandpa!
 
I've come to realize my cell phone...is GREAT! I love my iPhone for many reasons. I have Kindle on it and can read anywhere. The kids can play games in the backseat while I drive and that makes it easier! I didn't have a cell phone until I was in my 30’s. I see all these kids with phones and think, really?
 
I've come to realize when I woke up this morning...I have another chance to make this day great and live it for the Lord.

I've come to realize last night...was the last night of the summer Bible study on Revelation. I am sad that it is over but enjoyed it greatly! The last two chapters were encouraging and glorious! Praise God!

I've come to realize right now I'm thinking about...my husband at a job interview for hours we really don’t want. It would get in the way of our commitment to mission training. Praying that something else might come from this interview like a job with different hours and great pay.

I've come to realize today...can be great or terrible, depending on how I react to things. I am praying God will help me stay positive and happy as well as get many things done around the house.

I've come to realize tonight...I won’t be going to church like I have the last four nights.

I've come to realize tomorrow...is family night. We will spent time together as a family, possibly go to the homeschool ice cream business meeting and then come home and watch a movie together.
 
I've come to realize I really want to...change my eating and exercise habits so I can be healthy again. I need to get this weight off and keep it off this time.
 
I've come to realize my children...are gifts from God, each and every one of them. And I know that He is in control and will watch over them when I can’t. They belong to Him and He loves them even more than I do. He has wonderful plans for their lives and I can’t wait to see how He works in and through them.

I've come to realize this weekend...we aren't going to be able to find places for the kids to be so we can have alone time. But we will do our best to talk about the things we need to anyway.

I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I'm upset...is praise and worship music. When I am singing to the Lord it fills me with strength and hope.
 
I've come to realize that my friends...are the best! I have met many wonderful friends throughout my almost 45 years and God has placed them in my life at just the right time. I continue to make more friends and that is one of my favorite things to do.

I've come to realize that this year...is half over. We filled the first part with Perspectives, the summer with fun kid’s church activities and this fall will be filled with even more mission training. Time does indeed fly!

  

I've come to realize my husband...is my best friend and the one who was created just to complete me. We were meant to go through this life on earth in ministry alongside each other and when we are the world seems right. He desires to be the godly leader of our home and leads us with a loving heart. He loves the Lord with a mighty love. He desires to reach the lost and I can’t wait to work alongside him long term full time in whatever country God sends us to.

I've come to realize maybe I should...get off my behind and workout each day. That might actually help the weight come off, do ya think?

I've come to realize I really don't understand...why I have to struggle with so many things. I don’t understand why some people have illnesses and mental issues that make their lives harder to live. I don’t understand how some people turn their backs on the God who created them and loves them so much.

I've come to realize my past...is not perfect but it is the past. I have made so many mistakes and continue to mess up. I have to stop beating myself up for everything that I wish I hadn’t done or that I wish I had done a different way. I am forgiven and Christ has covered my wrongs with His blood. It is wrong of me to keep digging up the past. I need to leave it in the past and look forward to the bright future God has for me, here and in Heaven.

I've come to realize parties...are fun! I love being with people and talking to my friends and making new ones.

I've come to realize my life...is a precious gift from God. And that I am to live for Him in all I do. I have been commissioned to reach those who have not heard in places people do not want to go. My love for Him is greater than my love for even my own life. My life is eternally in Heaven with Him.

Until next time...blessings to you.