Honor Your Husband Challenge Day 30

Has it really been 30 days? I can't believe it. I am so grateful to Christine at Fruit in Season for offering up this challenge! It has been a challenge but most things worth anything at all have some challenges to them, don't they? As Christine pointed out this morning, none of us have a "perfect" marriage because there is no such thing. We will fail but the Lord knows our heart and will forgive us where we fail and help us back up to try again. We will never come into the perfection of the Lord until He comes again to get us and take us to Heaven with Him. Until that day, we are to continue working towards that perfection. We can't do it in our own power!

As I attempted this challenge this past 30 days I can say I had some victories and some failures. At times I feel I failed more than anything. But I can tell you that it has made a huge difference in my thoughts as each situation took place, even when I didn't react the way I should have. So that tells me that I have a shot at doing it "right" the next time I am in that situation.

I had a really bad time on Thursday and I knew I had reacted badly the second it came out of my mouth. I tired to fix it but you know once it comes out you can't take it back. My husband came home from work Thursday morning and he ate breakfast and then went into his music room and started playing his bass. He had friends coming over that evening to play and I knew that I would not see him then either because of that. We had just gotten back from a nine day vacation and I was missing that time that I had enjoyed of just being with him most of the time. So I went in there and asked him how long he was going to play. And that he was spending his morning in there and would be spending his evening in there and there wouldn't be anytime for us. I knew right away that was not fair of me to say. It was terrible. I knew he deserved time to be by himself, regardless of the fact that I don't get time by myself. He also deserves time with his friends and playing his guitar because he loves it so much. So I tried to take it back and say I was sorry. He has spent the day before taking Game Champ to two doctors appointments. One of them to take his cast off and one was a therapist appointment. So I told him that he had spent all the day before running him everywhere. I knew he had been hurt by my words because he said "yeah, do I get credit for that?" I didn't mean it the way he heard it. I was just sad that we weren't spending any time together. He took it as he wasn't doing everything I expected him to do and didn't want him to have his free time that he needed. Shame on me. But the fact that I knew immediately that I was in the wrong and maybe from now on (or at least most of the time) I can handle it in a way that will show him I love him and honor him instead of making him feel badly. Lesson learned!

The other things I have learned by this month of challenge?

That it should be an on going thing in my life and marriage. And I intend to make it so. I know that God will honor my efforts as I seek to be the "perfect" wife and friend to my husband. To lift him up and not tear him down any longer with careless words.

That I have to put my husbands feelings before mine. I know that I am not good at this because I have spent a lot of my life taking care of myself. Or nursing hurt feelings and feeling down about what I couldn't get other people to do that I felt they needed to do. When I put others (my husband) before myself it gives me a feeling of pleasure and peace.

Like someone else mentioned, God gave us a wonderful instruction book in His Word, The Bible, that if we will just follow the things in it we will find happiness and contentment in our lives. God wants what is best for us and wants our relationship with our spouse to be a success. I want that. I have not only been reading The Power of a Praying Wife but have recently purchased the Power of a Praying Woman to learn how to pray for myself and my needs as a woman. We can pray for others so much easier than ourselves. I know, I pray for everyone, even people I have never met IRL. But I am not as good about knowing how to pray for my needs and I know our Father wants us to pray specifically in our prayers and wants us to pray for ourselves as well as others. And I know I need to pray for the words that come out of my mouth and the feelings that well up inside of me. That His Light will shine through me instead of ugliness.

I will continue to lift up those of you who took this challenge, that it will be a source of hope and strength to you all as the days go by. Our journey isn't over, it has only just begun. May your marriages be ever fruitful in the Spirit.

Until next time...blessings to you.

30 Day Challenge

We arrived home on Sunday night/Monday morning at 4 a.m. I got the kids in bed and did my best to fall asleep quickly since I had to get up at 7:30 to start watching kids. My darling husband drove the whole day/night so he slept most of Monday. I kept thinking I needed to get this post on here yesterday but never found the time or energy to do so.

My goals for this past week were to listen to my husband more intently and to get the sarcasm out of my voice. I did pretty well on those points, but not perfect. We were on vacation so we were more relaxed than we are at home with all the things going on here. I did make it a point to keep my mouth closed as he was talking to me or our friends. I found out a lot of things that way, imagine! I have a tendency to talk so much and if I am not careful I take up all the conversation. And I am with little children, mostly infants, all day so I am starved for that conversation. I found out some great insights from doing that. Amazing how that happens. Also, I am sure that he felt better because I was listening and made it a point to let him know that what he said was important enough for me to listen to. The sarcasm has been a little hard. Not because I wanted to be ugly, just because it is habit. We mostly do it to be "funny". I did a little better.

My goals for this week now that we are back home are more back to the original. I want to meet him at the door and walk him to the door when he leaves for work. I need to take a lesson from my kids. They run to their dad if he is coming or going. They did that last night and he started to "act" impatient but I grinned at him and told him he loved it and he knew it. His return grin told me I was right.

I want to make a huge effort to have a home cooked meal on the table for him each night when he gets up (he works the night shift) and a home cooked meal when he gets home in the mornings. That is a huge chore for me because I am so tired at the end of the day. The last thing I want to do is cook a hot meal that will steam up my Texas kitchen! It is hot enough already. And in the mornings it is busy when he gets home because children have already arrived. But it is usually easier in the mornings.

Also, I have fallen down on the job of laundry. I have it clean (except what I brought back from vacation) but I do not have it put up. I have all of his clothes folded in a basket for HIM to put up. And even though at times I feel justified in doing that, when I really think about how hard he works and how hard a night schedule is on a person I know that it isn't right for me to do that. I need to make his time at home as easy as possible where he can spend time with his kids and me and not feel like so much is there for him to do. He is already my Mr. Fixit. There is always something that needs fixing. Like today before he went to bed he had to fix our air conditioner because it wasn't draining properly and it was going into the carpet in the hall. So with things like that coming up, he really doesn't need to have to worry about trying to find his clothes before work. I feel terrible because of it. But some days, I just don't have it in me to do anything about it. You would think that after my vacation I would have more energy to get things done. Maybe I will after a weekend to catch up on the laundry, cleaning and paying bills. 

Until next time...blessings to you. 

Marriage 30 Day Challenge

I know it isn't Monday, we were actually camping in Colorado on Monday so my computer was not turned on! Challenges this last week? You bet there were. With me being stressed out because of our trip coming up and so many things on my to do list, it was making me nuts! I hate feeling like that. I tell myself over and over to stay calm and it is fine. But the devil really knows how to push our buttons, as I have said before.

I really wanted to make some major leaps and bounds on this challenge this week but don't think I did very well. He was tired and stressed out as well so we made a fine pair! Nick has been going through a low period and that always makes our relationship a little strained. It is so much pressure to try to counter his moods to help him turn them around into something good not bad. 

I am trying very hard to show him respect in front of the kids. I am trying to see his ideas and suggestions on things in a new light. I am a person who generally thinks she is right. I know, most people aren't like that, are they. But I am! I am trying to not be so matter of fact about everything. And when he doesn't understand what I am trying to tell him, like with directions to someplace we are trying to get to, I am doing my best to stay calm and let him know that I am trying my best, in a very nice, respectful manner. That is a hard thing for me because we have spent so many years being sarcastic to one another, most of the time kidding but it has really gone too far. I want to be the wife I am supposed to be and support him and make him feel good.  I don't think my sarcasm does that.

Another goal this week is to spend time listening to him talk, about whatever he wants to talk about, be it his music, Westcliffe, work, whatever. And really listening, not just half way. That tends to get a little hard with 3 children wanting your attention for something. But I am praying that God will give me the time to do just that. We have 4 more full days of our vacation plus one day of driving. I want to spend some real time making my husband feel loved and appreciated.

Until next time...blessings to you.