Has it really been 30 days? I can't believe it. I am so grateful to Christine at Fruit in Season for offering up this challenge! It has been a challenge but most things worth anything at all have some challenges to them, don't they? As Christine pointed out this morning, none of us have a "perfect" marriage because there is no such thing. We will fail but the Lord knows our heart and will forgive us where we fail and help us back up to try again. We will never come into the perfection of the Lord until He comes again to get us and take us to Heaven with Him. Until that day, we are to continue working towards that perfection. We can't do it in our own power!
As I attempted this challenge this past 30 days I can say I had some victories and some failures. At times I feel I failed more than anything. But I can tell you that it has made a huge difference in my thoughts as each situation took place, even when I didn't react the way I should have. So that tells me that I have a shot at doing it "right" the next time I am in that situation.
I had a really bad time on Thursday and I knew I had reacted badly the second it came out of my mouth. I tired to fix it but you know once it comes out you can't take it back. My husband came home from work Thursday morning and he ate breakfast and then went into his music room and started playing his bass. He had friends coming over that evening to play and I knew that I would not see him then either because of that. We had just gotten back from a nine day vacation and I was missing that time that I had enjoyed of just being with him most of the time. So I went in there and asked him how long he was going to play. And that he was spending his morning in there and would be spending his evening in there and there wouldn't be anytime for us. I knew right away that was not fair of me to say. It was terrible. I knew he deserved time to be by himself, regardless of the fact that I don't get time by myself. He also deserves time with his friends and playing his guitar because he loves it so much. So I tried to take it back and say I was sorry. He has spent the day before taking Game Champ to two doctors appointments. One of them to take his cast off and one was a therapist appointment. So I told him that he had spent all the day before running him everywhere. I knew he had been hurt by my words because he said "yeah, do I get credit for that?" I didn't mean it the way he heard it. I was just sad that we weren't spending any time together. He took it as he wasn't doing everything I expected him to do and didn't want him to have his free time that he needed. Shame on me. But the fact that I knew immediately that I was in the wrong and maybe from now on (or at least most of the time) I can handle it in a way that will show him I love him and honor him instead of making him feel badly. Lesson learned!
The other things I have learned by this month of challenge?
That it should be an on going thing in my life and marriage. And I intend to make it so. I know that God will honor my efforts as I seek to be the "perfect" wife and friend to my husband. To lift him up and not tear him down any longer with careless words.
That I have to put my husbands feelings before mine. I know that I am not good at this because I have spent a lot of my life taking care of myself. Or nursing hurt feelings and feeling down about what I couldn't get other people to do that I felt they needed to do. When I put others (my husband) before myself it gives me a feeling of pleasure and peace.
Like someone else mentioned, God gave us a wonderful instruction book in His Word, The Bible, that if we will just follow the things in it we will find happiness and contentment in our lives. God wants what is best for us and wants our relationship with our spouse to be a success. I want that. I have not only been reading The Power of a Praying Wife but have recently purchased the Power of a Praying Woman to learn how to pray for myself and my needs as a woman. We can pray for others so much easier than ourselves. I know, I pray for everyone, even people I have never met IRL. But I am not as good about knowing how to pray for my needs and I know our Father wants us to pray specifically in our prayers and wants us to pray for ourselves as well as others. And I know I need to pray for the words that come out of my mouth and the feelings that well up inside of me. That His Light will shine through me instead of ugliness.
I will continue to lift up those of you who took this challenge, that it will be a source of hope and strength to you all as the days go by. Our journey isn't over, it has only just begun. May your marriages be ever fruitful in the Spirit.
Until next time...blessings to you.
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